Free Turd Blossom!

Third-term President Bush (oops, that's 2nd for W and 3rd for their dynasty) implores all Americans including the 55 million people who voted to oust him from office to get behind him. [Note: that was on Nov. 3; by the 4th the tone had chilled considerably.] I think they will. No matter who sits in that oval office, Americans are watching closely, now more than ever.

With particular attention now we're watching the coming announcements of the 'changing of the guard.' The proverbial lazy susan spins on the table -- cabinet positions are up for grabs. Re-up or not? Some have performed poorly. Some are just lackluster, but fecklessly harmless on the surface--not particularly competent, but as good as any placeholder. Others, though, have done damage and they need to go. Ah, the president, the RNC, and even Laura & the Twinsters know who they are. Aren't performance reviews part of public record for government employees? Well, they should be.

But, it's a whale of a time (you know, like you'd see off Kennebunkport in the summers?) to pause and reflect on what a 2nd term is or can be.

Presidential historians, if they're to be given a nickel's worth of credit believe that *this* is when Legacy is Made. What will your Legacy be President Bush?

Here's a thought to help you in this pursuit. Besides considering the rotation and replacement of Cabinet posts, think of this as an Opportunity for a Change of the White House 'guard.' You know, the people who have had your 'back' for a few years and may have injected either intentionally or accidentally a little too much of their personae into your words, style, and decision-making need to enjoy some retirement, some fresh air, you know, a life outside of the inner circle.

Here's a thought: why not Free Karl Rove! Yes, liberate Karl Rove from the shackles of the Washington establishment that have surely consumed his life these last many years. He's done his time as a public servant; we don't want to see anyone drop over in their office you know.

Karl. . .well, he's tough on the outside, of course, we all know that. But you know, his psychological profile is really quite fragile. Damn, he could make an up-and-coming psychiatrist rich, just helping him untangle his convoluted life. Let's face facts: just don't know that old Karl can really take it any longer. It wouldn't do your presidency any good to find Karl flashed in a compromising position on the front page of the Post shown on a boat in the Bahamas with a cute blonde on his lap swigging margaritas, would it? Let's face it, men under endless duress can reach the end of their limit and start to, well. . .do aberrant things, you know, like sitting under the wheels of Air Force One, to name a recent example. We'd hate to see poor Karl, the orphan, the former nerdy & pathetic friendless kid who didn't graduate college (but, wait, didn't he get a military deferment for college?) who somehow became your Senior Intelligensia, multiple-married Karl might just blow his cork or something on L St. some afternoon. Hey, here's your buddy -- mano-a-mano, don't let him down!

Sure, his campaign dirty-tricks are legendary starting from his youthful days (Manchester Guardian, March 9, 2004) but who among us doesn't have a few 'indiscretions', right? Well, sure, he took his lessons to the road and advised people cross country on the How-To shenanigans and political ploys of the likes of the Segretti-Nixon maneuvers (W. Post, Aug. 10, 1973), but heck, he never told anyone to model him. Karl just told them how not to get caught. Hey, he was young. But, was there ever someone looking out for him when George H. W. Bush took him under wing, saved young Karl from himself (practically speaking), and hauled his arse to Tejas, where he learned to hang and twang with his new 'family.' Talk about falling into a shitload of luck! So even if he's not formally educated, he got the education of a lifetime there in Texas while helping the 'family' and then Laura take his 'brother' by the shirt-tails and groomed him into what's now our Commander in Chief. Voila! Like so much magic, good luck had finally come Karl's way and you can't blame any poor soul who was cursed with his lot in life for grabbing, clinging onto those Bushes, right? But. . . it's time to get back to that Legacy Thing. Sometimes, when people are just hammering away year after year they lose touch with judgment. Really now, for a fellow like Karl, after all, to be the creator of the new Moral Compass of our country is something right out of Mad Magazine.
He's served a valuable purpose being First Buddy, your Chief Advisor, and an intimate one at that. Imagine being able to speak for our president, metaphorically he can climb inside W's brain and finish his sentences for him. Now that's a pal for ya'. Heck, they're so close, Pres. Bush even has 2 Nicknames for Karl -- don't even know that sweet Laura has more than 1 (but in this case she might be grateful). The President calls Karl the "Boy Genius," and you can imagine how that triumphant sound feels rolling over Karl's proud shoulders in meetings when he's outfoxed the hunters. The 2nd nickname is named after that flower found all over Texas trails that just sort of springs up from cattle dung -- "Turd Blossom," Karl's called. That good ol' Turd Blossom -- well. . . he's been quite a Senior Advisor and an awesome political campaigner. But the campaigning is over now for you and it's time for a Fresh Start with some fresh blood and some clean, fresh records, not tarnished with some tawdry pasts that muddy up those lonesome trail streams like you find all over cattle-dung-bound Texas.
So, please, be humane, FREE KARL ROVE from his demons and from the burdens of the White House and serving you so intensely. You know it's true; he can't separate You from Himself and frankly, some of us think that's just bordering on a kind of sickness.

We're behind you Mr. President; we've got 'your back' now. See, we've got your best interests at heart because trust us, they're OUR best interests too.